Geraldo fame

According to my folder on my computer, I’m a writer of ten screenplays. According to William Morris, I am a writer of none.

According to the Internet, I am a sketch comedy writer and performer worthy of 3.2 million viewers. According to Lorne Michaels, I am who?

My writing career thusfar:

  • I’ve produced two productions of my own plays in Hollywood, CA
  • I wrote for a sketch comedy show on the Internet for about four years
  • I’ve taken Robert McKee‘s obnoxious screenwriting seminar (eh hem, minor douche bag)
  • I was a member of a screenwriting workshop for a few years
  • I had (still technically have) a literary manager in LA
  • I blogged for a pregnancy website, which was fun, as I think I was still pregnant with my daughter at the time
  • I was “hired” by my manager to do a rewrite on a Chinese-English script, which never got made
  • I’ve written a few pilots that never made it out of an agent’s hands
  • I’ve written a few spec scripts for Scrubs and My Name is Earl, which made it just as far as the aforementioned pilots
  • I have even tried my hand at a coffee-table book pregnancy guide for dummies and a slightly less funny novel
  • I’ve written a large handful of screenplays, some by myself and some with my former writing partner

So that’s my writing career up to date. Except for a few dollars made on the pregnancy site that I blogged for, I haven’t made a penny. But we live in Manhattan, have a daughter who’s about to start preschool, another baby on the way, and a home business that is still huffing and puffing its way into a place of stability, and goddamnit I love to write. All that being said, it’s time to sell an effing screenplay. Fuck that, my daughter can’t read this – it’s time to sell a fucking screenplay. I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, I’m fucking ready!

stuart smalley

I’ve got two new screenplays to find people to send them to and I’m working on a rewrite of two one-acts I produced in LA that I’m turning into full-lengths. I need to find either new representation for my screenplays, or someone who wants to make them, and a theater company that wants to produce one of my plays (once I’m finished with the rewrites.) Everything I write is dark comedy and has some fairly fucked up relationships in them. That’s about all the info I’m gonna spill at this point.

It’s 5:12pm on Day 2. 35 weeks and 6 days left. Haven’t done any writing since yesterday. Today’s goal… work on rewrite of play #1. Produce either two more pages, or get much further in my thought process about how to add another 15 minutes onto the damn thing.

And somewhere in the middle, get my daughter ready for bed, feed her more than just the slice of bread she’s been gnawing on, and kiss my husband (all while dressed like Donna Reed.)