First off, I’m extremely disappointed that I could not find one, NOT ONE cartoon on Google about ANY of the Kardashians. What are our cartoonists so busy drawing?? So this is the best image I could find.

I’m not one of those writers who hates reality TV for taking away my jobs. I’m one of those humans who hates reality TV for slowly chipping away at the moral fortitude of our society. Not to be dramatic, or anything.

To be more specific, though, it’s not all reality TV I hate. I loved The Apprentice, for example. And competition shows, like America’s Next Hot Tall Chick and Iron Cooking Person seem to be fun and exciting (and not damaging to any morals or any fortitudes.) But it’s the shows where we simply view other people’s lives like fish in a bowl that make me feel all icky inside. What’s worst about the whole thing is that the stories are scripted, and it appears as though the characters themselves have started to believe what they’re saying is real. I take that back. They don’t think it’s real. But they have so little respect for themselves, their privacy,their dignity and integrity that they would turn their real lives into a cartoon on [inter]national television. So I guess there is a cartoon about them after all.

I used to work on a reality show. It was called Love is in the Heir, and it was about an Iranian princess trying to make in in the U.S. as a country music star. I won’t say anything bad about it, or the moral-less experience I had working on it, for fear of being found out and then sued, or something. But I’ll leave it at this: belch, ralph, poop. Am I being too vague? Hopefully, you get my drift.

What does this have to do with writing my Tony-winning play or my Oscar-worthy screenplay? Nothing. I mean, everything. Who enjoys writing for reality TV? (If you don’t believe there are writers, you have been misinformed.) The answer? No one. I have yet to meet someone working in reality TV who said, “Yes! I’m working in reality TV!” Eh hem, no. The only people liking it? The Kardashians. The Hot Tall Chicks. Jon and Kate and their offspring. That is, the stars themselves. That is, until they don’t like it anymore and they feel taken advantage of by the big bad network that paid their huge checks in the first place.

Writers should get to work on projects that are worthwhile… the episodes of Friends, Sex and the City, Six Feet Under, anything else made by HBO

But I know that’s a pipe dream. And I know not everyone deserves to work on such shows. And I know that if every writer worked on such Emmy Award winning shows as those, then who would write for Barney? (My toddler loves her some purple dinosaur.) Not everyone gets to be the point guard…

… someone has to clean the bathrooms after half-time.