There are plenty of lovely things about being pregnant. One thing I am not a fan of, however, is how people talk about my body like it’s on display in a museum. I think today I’ll start counting how many times people I barely know, or don’t know at all, comment on the way my body/belly looks. It’s 1:00pm and we’re up to 2 or 3 already.

So here are my responses (spoken or unspoken) to comments made about my belly:

  1. It doesn’t matter how I’m “carrying it”, I’m still having a girl. And the fact that you think that the way a woman’s body carries a baby can tell you the gender, is uber stoopid.
  2. No, I didn’t just “pop” this week.
  3. No, it’s not twins.
  4. No, I’m not “huge”.
  5. No, I’m not due any day.
  6. Don’t tell me that I’m carrying high or low. It doesn’t matter and I don’t care.
  7. No, you can’t touch my belly unless we’re friends.
  8. I’m carrying it “all in front” because I’m not fat. Fat people are frequently fat in their midsection, so their pregnant belly doesn’t look as pronounced. It sounds bitchy, but I’m pretty sure I’m right.
  9. If my belly button is becoming an outie, it’s my belly button’s business.
  10. And no, I will not try to have my baby two weeks late so she can be born on your sister’s birthday.