Don’t Worry, You’re Damned Regardless

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Day 99 – How Having No Money Isn’t Funny Today

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In response to yesterday’s post, here is how having no money is not quite so funny:

  1. We’re running out of food. Soon I’ll be eating the fish (and I’m not talking about fish in the freezer…)
  2. I just used our second to last tissue. (We’ve both got colds that we caught from our daughter who caught her cold at the daycare we send her to for $750 a month.)
  3. Our client and one of our tenants both just told us they’re going to be a few weeks late on their payments. I have nothing amusing to say about that.
  4. Just got our final bill for $1500 for my stupid ovarectomy last summer (p.s.: “ovarectomy” is not the correct term, but “oophorectomy” doesn’t make sense to most people.)
  5. I’m pregnant and angry. And yes, those two things make poverty a lot less funny.

“Why do you have no money?” You ask. “Can’t you get a job??”

Because I strongly dislike judgment and criticism from others, I will offer the following in defense of our situation:

My husband and I run two businesses from home: a photography and video production company. During the spring months, we tend to have a number of weddings to shoot. During the winter months, we tend to have a few promo videos for nonprofits and small businesses to shoot. Well, no one seems to be getting married right now and we haven’t found any more businesses that need videos done. We’re presently working on two video projects, but those clients have already paid (eh hem, except for the guy hasn’t paid his final installment yet) and we’ve used all that money.

So my hubby dusted off his old editor resume and is sending it to a couple of people in hopes of some side editing work (as much as he doesn’t want to go back to being a hired editor- but hey, it’s good money and he’s good at it.) As for me, if I went out and got a job, I couldn’t do the producing I’m already doing for the big project we’re working on, plus then our 2 year old would be at home with my husband and then he wouldn’t be able to get the work done that he needs to do. So… we need more clients. That’s pretty much it.

Or is it?

It’s time Mama brought in the real dough by selling her screenplay her manager is presently submitting to various important people. Not only that, but it’s time Mama finished the damn outline for the new teen comedy she’s been putting off for the last two weeks due to busy-ness and depression. It’s also time Mama stopped talking about herself in third person and got to work.

Back to the outline!

Day 91 – Take 2 OCD’s and Call Me in the Morning

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I never thought that my propensity toward organizing my time and tasks by to-do lists and times of day would end up being prescribed to me for my wellbeing.

I have never been diagnosed as Obsessive Compulsive, nor do I think I would be if tested. However, I do have some habits that sit somewhere along the spectrum. I like keeping an organized, structured life. My unhappiness lately, though propelled by the hormonal disturbances of pregnancy and the stressful fear of potential financial ruin, is partially due to the lack of structure my life has had since our daughter was born two years ago. For those of you who also run your own business from home, you understand as well as I that you not only get to create your own schedule, but you have to create your own schedule.

A woman I know recently told me that women who are able to “do it all” do it because they live by a strict schedule. She recommended I do the same. This made me (and my love for schedules) very happy.

So far, all I’ve got is my night routine, but it’s working for me. Here’s how it goes:

  • 9:30pm – Stop watching TV, or whatever I’m doing, and tidy up the living room and kitchen, so we can start with a fresh home the next morning.
  • 10:00pm – Stop cleaning, and get ready for bed. This includes flossing (I need to put this into my schedule, or it never happens), brushing, washing my face, and the occasional Aveno or Biore facial scrub. I then get in my jammies and get into bed with my books and notebooks. I turn on the sun lamp (per my Psychiatrist sister’s suggestion) and I do my writing and reading.
  • 11:00pm – Sleep. If I wasn’t tired by 10:50pm, I pick up my New York Magazine crossword, as it always puts me to sleep.

Following this schedule keeps my house tidy, gets me a fair night sleep, and makes my OCD-wannabe tendencies happy.

Take that, Prozac.

Day 44 – Parenting Makes Everything Take Longer

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So I didn’t actually lie, I just didn’t live up to what I believed I was going to do. I said yesterday that I was going to the post office. Well, my hubby was out off-roading in Massachusetts all day yesterday (yes, he goes out with teams of other large vehicles, and drives our X-Terra through incredibly rough terrain that was never meant for a human to drive over) and I was on baby duty from 7:20am when she woke up until 10pm when she fell asleep. So I never made it to the post office. Today is Sunday, so it’ll have to wait until tomorrow.

It’s fine. But it’s another clear example of how parenting your child puts everything else on hold. And makes your writing career take longer to take off.

While she was napping yesterday, however, I watched a movie on TV with Uma Thurman called “Motherhood“. It was a little “eh”, but terrifyingly familiar. It actually made me kind of uncomfortable how much it was exactly like my life. If you’re a work-at-home mother, I highly recommend watching it.

Day 30 – Xmas is No Longer Just About Getting Presents

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I’m sick of hearing people talk about how the holidays are hard for them because they have to spend time with their families. Why am I sick of it, you ask? Two reasons:

  1. What the fuck does it say about our community that being with your family is that bad?
  2. I’m bored of hearing it.

Being with my family is difficult too. It’s got its pressures, its uncomfortable parts, its stresses, its expectations, its tension and bickering. It’s not what I wish it would be. I get it. But what’s the point of being part of a family if you have to dread spending just one holiday with them?? I mean, if they beat you, then don’t go. But otherwise, try and enjoy these people – at least because if you’re ungrateful for them, you’re gonna feel guilty when they die.