An Open Letter to Gwyneth

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Day 91 – Take 2 OCD’s and Call Me in the Morning

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I never thought that my propensity toward organizing my time and tasks by to-do lists and times of day would end up being prescribed to me for my wellbeing.

I have never been diagnosed as Obsessive Compulsive, nor do I think I would be if tested. However, I do have some habits that sit somewhere along the spectrum. I like keeping an organized, structured life. My unhappiness lately, though propelled by the hormonal disturbances of pregnancy and the stressful fear of potential financial ruin, is partially due to the lack of structure my life has had since our daughter was born two years ago. For those of you who also run your own business from home, you understand as well as I that you not only get to create your own schedule, but you have to create your own schedule.

A woman I know recently told me that women who are able to “do it all” do it because they live by a strict schedule. She recommended I do the same. This made me (and my love for schedules) very happy.

So far, all I’ve got is my night routine, but it’s working for me. Here’s how it goes:

  • 9:30pm – Stop watching TV, or whatever I’m doing, and tidy up the living room and kitchen, so we can start with a fresh home the next morning.
  • 10:00pm – Stop cleaning, and get ready for bed. This includes flossing (I need to put this into my schedule, or it never happens), brushing, washing my face, and the occasional Aveno or Biore facial scrub. I then get in my jammies and get into bed with my books and notebooks. I turn on the sun lamp (per my Psychiatrist sister’s suggestion) and I do my writing and reading.
  • 11:00pm – Sleep. If I wasn’t tired by 10:50pm, I pick up my New York Magazine crossword, as it always puts me to sleep.

Following this schedule keeps my house tidy, gets me a fair night sleep, and makes my OCD-wannabe tendencies happy.

Take that, Prozac.

Day 62 – My Uterus and my Job are NOT Taking My Career Away!

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I wasn’t sure if I was going to write this post about how I felt like I was failing at my mission to get a writing career before my second child is born in early August, or if I was going to write it about the announcement of the Oscar nominees (I love you, Oscar, and am always equally disappointed in you), or if it was going to be another struggling attempt at motivation. Well, I’m doing the final option, with a little added optimism.

I have not been focusing on my writing career as much as I planned. Running two businesses from home, which means having to pursue new clients, produce three promo videos simultaneously for two different clients, all while taking care of my daughter, and dealing with crazy pregnancy nausea and fatigue, has resulted in a much-slowed (is that proper English?) process. In short, I’m not writing. I’m not thinking about writing. I’m not thinking about my career.

In the last 62 days, I did finish the rewrite on a screenplay and a play… I did submit one of my plays to about 12 theater companies…¬†I did¬†contact all of my successful industry people in the attempt to get my screenplays read and sold… The truth is, I can’t go back to writing today. I don’t have time. It makes me sad, but I’m trying not to beat myself up about it. We have a video shoot Sunday we have to prepare for, an expo we’re exhibiting at in two weeks, and a client who is now looking for a treatment and a semi-treatment for two videos we’re shooting for them. I don’t have the time.

And the real truth is, if I had the time, I’m still not sure what I would do…

I don’t know who else to contact about my completed play and screenplays, and I feel like if I start writing a new script then I’m just going to keep cycling through scripts without ever selling anything. I have to focus on selling what I’ve already written. But I don’t know where to go next.

Day 17 – I’m So Crafty, I Make People

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Enough of this talk about being writer. P’shaw. I’m making a human inside my belly. I am fulfilling my physical purpose as a woman. I am filling that innate desire I’ve had since I was a little girl. I’m adding to the world, one brilliant child at a time. I am a creator of life, a giver of love, a master of nausea, a champion of unusual and bizarre symptoms, a builder, a baker, a candlestick maker.

So, no. I won’t clean the litter box. And stop asking me to do things. I’m busy.